I’m sinking, my thoughts pulling me under

Thanks for the new improved chemical imbalance drugs

(said sarcastically, with shiny enthusiasm and positive energy!!)

I’m like an iceberg now

Big ass, small torso, tiny dino brain

What was wrong with me that made sedation necessary?

Oh right, I was traumatized by my life.

These pills make me feel raw

I don’t want more rawness

I’m tired but I can’t sleep

Itching like things are crawing on me

MAKE IT STOP!

You want me to feel like it is worthwhile

you have damned me to a spinning hell

Get me off of this thing.

My hair is falling out

I’m becoming what they want to treat.

Treatment helps if you know the patient well enough to properly diagnose something.

I don’t have paranoia. I have anxiety.

I have more anxiety than I can shake a stick at.

“Shake, shake, shake senora shake it all the time.”

Harry Bellafonte is, “Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’…”

My non sequitors flow at high speed early in the morning

The noise sensitivity is unique

My recall is spasmodic

Thoughts of throwing things are more prevalent

My life is CRAZY.

Here’s the short list:

Baby’s high lead levels, epilepsy- “seizure disorder”

small house- big wasps

no art studio

the prospect of moving-within six months

bureaucracy- too many agencies want to help me, causing more stress

boy friend man

Have you tried having an intelligent conversation with a combative 12 year old or 14 year old or 17 year old?

I’m poor

fear of loss, more real loss

terror of losing my daughter

I feel useless, worthless, old until someone, even a stranger, is kind to me.

Learn to be kind to yourself.

Sure, and the magic wand is out of fairy dust.

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2 thoughts on “Sinking, Raw, Shaking, Loss

Any thoughts on the above post are appreciated! Otherwise, I think I must be living under a rock.

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