I was having a great day or something and
then the phone rang and
I had to speak to an agency,
(in the middle, my mother came over,)
our big purchase loan coordinator,
(get papers signed, scanned and emailed,)
then deal with my ex.

Dearie had a melt down and
I followed suit soon after.
When had I last taken a nap, I thought?
Did I take my medication?
Why was the room filling with dread again?

Breakfast is important
Strawberries may just solve everything.
I missed a meeting with a friend this morning
and I feel
overloaded with guilt.

Maybe I overstepped my bounds in a reply
on a blog yesterday. @http://kittomalley.com
No one really believes what I say anyway.
I feel like I’m being depressed by something again.

I was okay.
NowI’mnot.
I’m dis abled
Not abled to complete things
or feel things normally
I over feel and
over think too much
I’m sensitive and can make beautiful things from it
but now I feel like crap
I just fell off the damn cliff again

I pushed too hard this week.
I broke all of my own rules.
I played, I wrote, I responded,
I ate food whether I was hungry or not,
I felt successful,
I went to work one day for three hours (I was still late.)

I locked my keys in the car,
I called the police and
they resolved the problem for me
(No, the spare remote won’t work
if you leave the other keys
in the ignition-It’s a safety feature.
Safety feature for the idiot
who locked themselves out.)

I disappointed my child for
not getting his binder to school
in the morning while
I was locked out of the car.

I made a collage last night,
knowing I would miss a show deadline,
but I just wanted to play with words.

Then I see that @benhuberman has assigned Day 9 to be a
Landscape, Found Poem, Enumeratio
I like them you see.  Words.
Even when I’m not writing
I like book art, collage,
creating space with paper,
glue and my brain.

My mother came over and used
my collage to hold my daughter’s hair lint.
My mother never apologizes,
she just tells me that She’s my biggest fan.
Why do I want to scream?

One adderal,
two clonapin,
one viibryd
(the size of three adderalls)
twenty minutes and
the cloud is lifting.

I am a multi-task oriented mom.
I can cry while typing.
This is better than crying
while talking on the phone.
(There is a particular sound of
a cell phone circuit board
sizzling with salty tears
that makes me buy
cheap cell phones.)

Dry my face and
“get up Trinity”
(yeah, an obscure Matrix reference,
but it makes me happy.)

I can move now and go to therapy
and get there only five minutes late
if I dress the baby and my car starts.

Should I feel so defeated
if I can’t cut my child’s toe nails?

This is the beginning of my period.
My hormones have just crashed and
this is the way it goes in my head with
PMDD, premenstrual dysphoric disorder.

-Amanuensis Sobriquet-Reverie, MDD, GAD,  PD, ADHD, PMDD,

9 thoughts on “Yesterday

      1. Wow, and it’s just stunning how that just happens and you connect with it in that way. I like when a great photo just happens. Not that I’m a photographer or anything.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Everybody can be a photographer, now that digital cameras exist and as long as you don’t cut everyone’s heads off, or wiggle when you take photographs. The joy of being an artist is that you have to be able to take good photos of your own work, or date a photographer, or date the photo club, ha, ha, just joking. Going to parks is a nice way to remain sane when everything else is going to hell. You can’t argue with a tree. A squirrel can’t charge you $200/hour. My mind slows down there. I can take hundreds of photos before I kill my battery. It’s early, you win the prize – a non sequitur response. Almost on topic.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I love nature, too, and I like the idea of slowing down. Except when it’s really quiet, that’s when my creative juices start flowing and I need to dictate or type something. As for photography, I tend to wiggle and cut people’s heads off, so I appreciate the warning. I’ll get started on the photogaphy club. Great suggestion!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Try your nearest college, not high school, unless you are that young, of course. I prefer to be outside with a camera. I don’t need to write or make art when I have a camera. Damn, I guess, I am a photographer. There’s never a quick trip to the park. Too many things to see, shoot, shoot again, close up, wait for the light to change, play in the water, watch bugs skate on the water, look for tadpoles and puddles of baby fish.

        Liked by 1 person

Any thoughts on the above post are appreciated! Otherwise, I think I must be living under a rock.

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