I saw a parking
lot filled with cars
yesterday and
could not make
myself drive into
the grocery store
lot. I need soymilk
for the baby, but
I couldn’t go there
I usually shop in
smaller stores with
lower ceilings but
this one I can
usually handle.

Not this weekend,
not yesterday, not
today, not last week.
I’ve been putting it off
since the beginning
of the month. My
activities are pretty
severely limited.
Abject terror while
awake is special.

I had an anxiety
attack the other
day at home.
I opened a pack
of papers from the
government that
confused me,
frightened me
I thought it meant
that my benefits
were being cut.

There was no one
to call to explain
it to me. I’m a smart
woman, I can read
legalese, contractese
medicalese. I’m a newbie
with the governmentese
though. I couldn’t make
it make sense. Call the
federal government
on a weekend? Ha! I did
and they were closed.

Why did I open my
mail on a Saturday?
I was too sick to
move on Thursday
and Friday. Super-
mom usually takes
weekends off. She
must have been
on vacation. Unreach-
able by telepathy.

I’m not supposed to
over exert myself.
My life is an exertion.
My ex is a stressor.
Moving is a stressor.
Every health pro-
fessional I speak with
tells me how stress-
ful moving is. It’s up
there with death,
divorce, giving birth,
getting married and
dealing with my
mother. My mom is
not on the medical list
but if you met her you
would understand.

This past weekend was
stressful to say the least.
I will post the replacement
post from Monday morning
maybe it will make sense.
I no longer feel okay.
It is too early in the day to
take my medicine, but Spring
has had an effect upon my moods.
MDD, SAD, AD, ADHD.
I’m everything except MADD, hah!
(Well, I am a mother and I don’t
drive drunk. Hell, I hardly
drink, it’s not so wise on
my cocktail of pharmaceuticals.
I’m not a card carrying member.)

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One thought on “An explanation first -Part1

Any thoughts on the above post are appreciated! Otherwise, I think I must be living under a rock.

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