Untethered, my brain hears things
it should not hear
my submersion into a pillow
under the sheets sounds like
I’m hearing inside my body
rather than without.
Untethered, my brain lets me see
my painless ocular migraine
while my eyes are closed.
It’s like watching an electrical storm
in reverse, pulsing flashing
darkness on a light background.
Untethered, my brain feels terror,
panic and extreme sadness.
Not remorse or lonliness
just loss. My state of mind
plays games with me
if that makes sense.
What if…Why did you…Shouldn’t you have?
Untethered, I am lost.
Unfettered, I am free.
Unfettered, I take risks with people.
I make jokes and laugh without
covering my mouth with my hand.
I talk about my art, I try to explain
the necessity of it for my calmness.
No, it is not art therapy.
You don’t get a leather wallet or woven lanyard
at the end of my tether.
I still have the three legged table
they made me glue together
(no sharp tools there)
adding a decal flourish and maple stain.
Sad people need activities to keep calm
perhaps that is the belief.
Artists must create, it is like my air.
Without it I suffocate slowly
(A neighbor has their stereo on
loudly vibrating the steel,
the bass rapidly mimicking
morse code that I can’t quite discern,
the notes so blurry I can’t hum along.)
Thank life for momentary distractions.
Giving my full attention to self absorption is
depressing unless we’re on the subject of physics.
self-absorption |ˈˌsɛlf əbˈzɔrpʃən|
1 preoccupation with one’s own emotions, interests, or situation.
2 Physics the absorption by a body of radiation which it has itself emitted.
(Apple Dictionary Version 2.2.1 (143.1))
I suppose I could worry about
whose body has emitted radiation and
why it is not a good thing to re-absorb it.
Unless, I’m craving some type of superpowers.
My dreadlocks are gone.
Was I the masked Dreadlockian?
Or, Dark Slender? Oh, I know.
I was once the Breeder, able
to give birth then shrink back
down to my pre-pregnancy size
within six weeks.
See what I mean about unfettered?