He lost a father while I gained a son
my eldest son alienated, my child, his youngest brother
while gaining sympathy from the silent sentinel.
His father planned for him to
leave by any means. When I arrived
Thursday ES was in handcuffs
The goal being for him to snap.
I forced them to remove the handcuffs
and give him his morning medication.
The argument started Wednesday night
and continued for hours. I answered his
text at 11:30 and talked to him for an hour
I got him to take the mood stabilizer and
asked him to eat so he could sleep.
How could a father be so cruel to
push the boy so far away that he would
“The boy is mentally ill,” I said.
“He attacked his brother,” his father said.
“Did he really? Were you there and did
My Child have his medicine yesterday?
They have the same diagnosis,
he is on a mood stabilizer too.”
“No,” he believed what My Child
said as he walked in the door.
His father lied and said that
he had given medication to My Child.
My Child was out of control when
I saw him last with no meds in
his system until the therapist
watched him take his day’s morning
and evening dose in front of her that night.
That’s not right.
He had not taken his Tuesday dose she noticed.
These boys are ricocheting off of each other.
One goes up, the other flies left,
the other falls down, the other flies to the right.
The conductor, my ex, chooses which
one to support on any given day.
I made ES stand further and further away
from his father so the poison could lose its
effect on him. Harassed and harangued for
three hours, he had only slept four
hours before his father woke him up
with the same argument the next
ES is manic and wounded even on his meds.
This environment is toxic, his father is toxic
his brother MC has been toxic for months now.
Playing favorites is how we got into this mess
four years ago.
The puppet master needs a new
apprentice. I am so sad for him
He picks a child
tells them he is special
tells them we are jealous
tells them we hate in spite of the love we show
then he lets them loose upon us
Spinning tops of anger and rage
betrayed and lost they strike until
I catch them.
Using my body to absorb the swings
the blows, the wounds until clarity
shines through his eyes again.
His feelings of loss are overwhelming for us both.
Talking to his father and the police
gave time for the meds to kick in.
He was safe to bring home with me.
He can never go back to his home now.
The Silent Sentinel is a watcher
he is a solid force of calm
unswaying he stands above the
gale of his brothers
His roots are deep and hold firm
like an anchor, for now.