Friday, I finally got my
Adderall generic medication back.

Saturday, we got a
cousin to watch
Girly and my boyfriend
and I went on a date
to the park, then we
were to go to dinner.
I was having problems
walking, stumbled a lot
and fainted
in the park.

IMG_0094He drove me to
the nearest hospital.
I was treated for back pain
and was given three shots:
one muscle relaxant,
one steroid anti inflammatory
and a pain killer.

Yes, the elephant tranquilizer
the hippo tranquilizer and the
angry rhino tranquilizer combo.

I don’t like narcotics.
the make me not feel
anything, and I talk
a lot
more than usual
which seems almost impossible,
but true.

Just an underwater face








My boy troupe and
Girly spent the night
at my Mom’s house.
I’m such a great date.

I was told to rest
for the next two days.
As usual, I thought I
was stronger physically
than I am, so we loaded the
trailer with steel on Sunday,
then just as we were about to leave,
I noticed the flat tire on the trailer.
That’s when it all went down hill. No
roadside service was available in the area
until Monday morning. We tried Fix-a-Flat, we
tried driving the flat to the gas station for air
but, that shredded the tire.  We (I) was up until 3:30
with sleeping bodies in the truck and car. Epiphany hit and
I drove to a less obvious parking lot in town near my ex’s house,
so when all was said and done, I could drop off said trailer at his house.
My mom let us crash for another night at her house. Getting antsy to go home.

Dead tire
Dead tire (photo credit M.B.)






The dead tire is a size that is replaceable for no less than 225 dollars if ordered.
They told me the tires on the trailer were also not highway approved, not in stock
I decided to rent a truck to offload the steel then dropped off
my ex’s crappy trailer in his driveway then drove to do
parenting duty. My child had a doctor’s appt at 1:20.
I got there on time, felt all powerful,
like Adderall gives me the power
to process time and driving.
Yesterday, I felt like
I was functional
again in spite
of the

I was
(my sons and
and got to
(one for each son,)
had to cancel parenting
counseling with my boyfriend
(father of my daughter) since
it conflicted with one of the boy’s
appointments with the psychiatrist.
I was able to prioritize the importance
of a psychiatrist appointment vs. parenting counselor.
Then, I wandered off to the drug store to get all the scripts
filled. One for SS, Two for MC, One for ES, the other had
to be ordered, three for me.

Yes, even my pain killer and muscle relaxant. I can’t
drive while on this stuff, so I take it at night then
coast grimacing through the day in pain if I have to drive,
walk, bend over or breathe. I did something stupid to my
already faulty back because I didn’t have help I thought
I was strong enough. Yes, She-Ra, permanent retirement
has arrived. Damn!

I’m still having spasms in my back and can’t really lift Girly,
but the boys are here for a while so I get some help while I
break the conditioning that they are used to. I make them give
their electronics to me before they go to bed. It removes temptation.
I have them politely including each other in conversations that
are not about video games, zombie films or obscure memes. This work
is hard. I make them take their meds EVERY day. I’m getting to know
my boys in the country away from external stimuli and bad influences.

I like who are emerging from these young men.

Eldest Surly is very temperamental still as
school may start at the end of the month.
He got a job finally, I’m so proud of him.
He’s starting to grow up, then he freaks
out and alienates out the wrong people.
I keep telling him, that he is not homeless
and we’d like to keep it that way,

The Silent Sentinel is not so silent
he has voiced his desire to live with
me so I can support him with his education.
Unfortunately, state law does not allow
children to choose who they wish to live with.

I’ve tried reasoning with the ex but he
says he does not want to separate the boys.
The child does not fit in a resource room
and does not fit in the regular classroom.
Online Schooling with a parent mentor (me)
seems to be the best solution.

I’m trying to advocate for my children
without enough support to get the
paperwork and legal wrangling done.

In theory, he would not be separating them
as we have shared parenting. Anyone on the non
residential side feels the slight of having
dinner once a week and every other weekend.

He would no longer be the residential
parent of both boys and he would have to
stop using the kids as weapons against me.

The visitation schedule is what will
allow them to be around each other and
him. When I lived in the same city,
I wanted a more fair visitation
schedule that would not have
affected their schooling and I
would have had the ability to be
involved in their education as the
remaining two boys need more support
than he is willing to give/oblivious
to their needs.

If a child is sick, My ex needs to take them to
the doctor, when they need glasses, they need
to have appointments set up and he has to take
them, not send a random girlfriend. They also
need to go to dentists for regular check ups.
When the boys visit me, he needs to make sure
they have their glasses, their medication AND underwear.

He sends them with sugar, dairy (all three are
lactose intolerant) and electronics. I’m pretty
sure they have been parenting themselves (I know
for a fact that without Eldest Surly Reverie in
the house things are shaky again…)

I just found out a registered sex offender is
house sitting while my ex is out of town. The
same one who used that address to register with
the county sheriffs for about 10 months.
He was a visitor who never left,
then had to be thrown out. I get this info
second hand after the fact usually. Both boys
need to go home for their glasses, but now
I don’t think so.

My Child is nervous that his things will be
stolen by the time he goes back home.

Amanuensis slams the computer shut
then runs out the door to play among
the pine branches, no longer barefoot
(oww,pine needles) trimming the sad tree
building a new garden in the front yard.

Planting pad around birdbath/planter
Planting pad around birdbath/planter. Tetris with granite.

2 thoughts on “Long Post Alert: Sink or float two inches below the surface

  1. Boy, that other medication sure seems to be better for you. Is your back screwed up just because of all the heavy lifting involved in what you do? I know those issues all too well… Hang in there, girl, you’re doing great, given the amount of wading upstream that you have to do! {{{MFM}}}

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yay, old familiar friendly meds!

      No and yes, my back is screwed up because I have not been kind to my back and I have scoliosis (five inches of an s-curve with a twist,) degenerative arthritis and a bulging disc. I had my fall during my last pregnancy with Girly and the back trauma from my incidents with ESR. Arthritis and the disc I found out about in the last few years in my search for answers not more pills. Chronic pain is treated with a ton of pain killers, muscle relaxants and anti spasm drugs. I’m not supposed to lift things like Girly, a refrigerator, armoir, full suitcase, much less a wooden stump, box of hammers, steel shelving, 28′ long steel 1/2″ diam. rods and bars. NO shoveling, digging, dragging 96 gallon garbage cans uphill.

      I’m learning to del-e-gate. It’s very hard and frustrating. I want to do things people can’t understand. I want to do it myself, but I keep getting hurt, so I have to stop. I need to do yoga again.

      I get glared at a lot. Teenage boys glare better than girls do. Then there’s the eye rolling.

      I had to teach the older two how to pick me up and carry me. That went over well. I was the sack of potatoes for a while, until they learned to carry me like a damsel in distress. “Bend your knees,” I barked, “Do you want a back like mine?” LOL!


Any thoughts on the above post are appreciated! Otherwise, I think I must be living under a rock.

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