I woke for the seventh time this morning
instead of the normal sentence and ocular flag waving
I woke to a stream of circular logic attempting to plan my day
but starting at the end and ending in the middle.

1.    Hysteria, sobbing
2.    Did I pay for my pre-paid cell phone
3.    Did I see the end of my son’s play? Did I fall asleep or did the computer go dead?
4.    Did I pay my insurance by the deadline?
5.    Was today the deadline?
6.    Did My Bear give me his bank info so I could communicate with the world
7.    Or, am I trapped in my head in the dark?
8.    Did he pay it for me and save me from my hysteria. No chance of that happening.
9.    Don’t I have a bunch of things to do before nine am?

Which really should be:
3. Did I see the end of my son’s play? Did I fall asleep or did the computer go dead?
9. Don’t I have a bunch of things to do before nine am?
2. Did I pay for my pre-paid cell phone
7. Or, am I trapped in my head in the dark?
6. Did My Bear give me his bank info so I could communicate with the world
8. Did he pay it for me and save me from my hysteria. No chance of that happening.
4. Did I pay my insurance by the deadline?
5. Was today the deadline?
1. Hysteria, sobbing

This is why I don’t write lists.
I could do this all day.
Prioritizing, re-prioritizing
Creating outcomes, adding to the list
remembering things so obscure that should have been done
panicking over anxiety
“what if spider eggs hatch in the heat vents?
?????????????????????????
terror
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
over thinking, working myself
into my self fulfilling prophesy of
the morning anxiety attack.

Oh there it is,
my pulse in my ear,
my day can begin normally.
Last night, I took an additional stimulant
so I could drive home safely.

I rarely do that
because the night and next day
can be a bit sketchy.
I was able to sleep,
sorta,
if you count waking up seven times,
that means I was sleeping in between the wakings,
so that’s better than none at all right?

I did not obsessively fold my entire wardrobe,
though that would have been productive
or sort my closet by color,
Now alphabetizing my spice rack,
DVD collection or videotapes
would have been a coup,
but I was not that motivated.

Finding the perfect hour to take a stimulant
takes the perfect storm of no anxiety
or worries for me to function functionally
then sleep normally.

How redundant.

Oh, I’m supposed to be worried about whether
I can find my phone then see if it is dead.
It is after 8 am and I’m afraid,
I turned into a pumpkin at 7:55am.
Time is up. Get up. Girly is calling,
“Hello, hello, hey, HEY, wooo-hooo,
ba-ba, MAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEE!”

Time to wake the Zombie (Silent) Sentinel,
he has work to do today.
If I don’t start waking him now,
he won’t be up until noon.
He requires such a long recharging period.
12 hours is normal for an abnormally tall teen
I suppose, but 14 hours makes me worry.

Oh, get up and find my phone.
That means I have to walk by Girlie’s door
and try not to get sidetracked.
Aww hell, what does it matter?
a 33″ tall quacking human lifeform
is more exciting than
telecommunications and fiscal responsibility.
I know I need to do both,
but that would imply
that I stop typing with one hand,
sit up and
get out of fetal position
and type with two hands,
efficiently ending this blog of the day
with a whammy of a non sequitur.

I don’t usually go link crazy,
but sometimes over linking is appropriate.
In this case, it is justified and actually
necessary unless you know what a yak
sounds like.

I’ve been teaching Girlie animal sounds
since she seems to have an affinity for mimicking sounds.
She knows parrot (oh, the decibels,)
duck (AAAAFLAAACK! and quack quack)
kitty (mew, mew)
doggie (woof-woof and grrr, she growls right back at dogs if they growl at her)
frog/toad (ibit-ibit, yeah, I know real tree frogs can be deafening, but give me a break, she’d try really hard to make that sound and I need my hearing. Parrot is bad enough.)
bunny (wiggles nose and chews. I could have shown her Monty Python, but that’s just not age appropriate until she turns three.)
deer (snort-snort)
blue jay (just horridly perfect) I checked on the internet to see if I could find the local blue jay sounds here and the ones I found must be must be babies, tame, not in heat and not be related to the screeching harpies we’ve got in our trees. Maybe it has something to do with the weather, or the water or the local sports teams.
a flock of geese (which she does ever so softly,)
and koala* (leaf chewing sound as opposed to cud chewing sound.)
snake (hhhhh, she can’t say “s” yet.)
She just laughs at beavers, she thinks I’m joking.
and I wanted to teach her goat, fox and kangaroo.

*I’m not sure I’m going to teach her the
male mating and territorial Koala sound,
that might make daycare interesting later.
Thanks internet for enlightening me.
I need some type of you tube compilation,
that plays, “the giraffe says __________, the emu says ____________…”
On demand, like that fisher price toy
with the pull chord that makes animal sounds
after the arrow spins in that crazy, spin the bottle way.
Yeah, I know the new toy is digital, has a lever
and a flip disc that allows for more animals,
(but why make it complicated for parents and
children who can’t pull the lever without
spinning the toy on the floor reinforcing,
that children’s toys are made by and for tech savvy
adult designers who do no product testing and
don’t have a smart almost 2 year old
who will throw a hard toy at them.)
I mean the toy from the 1970’s
(I never managed to strangle myself
with the chord so why ruin a good design.)

I don’t have the right kind of vocal cords to produce a lot of sounds so
black-bown-polar bear, tiger, lion, buffalo, alligator,
crocodile, bison, bull, yak and rhino
all have universal roar sounds.
It makes singing “Old MacDonald” in the car a lot of fun.
When she gets older, Girly will understand
that there may never be a car ride to
Old MacDonald’s farm, zoo, cave, swamp and safari.

Don’t get me started on the “Itsy Bitsy Spider”
Girly picked one up and handed it to me.
After doing the very calm, “Oh my God,
you’re handing me a live spider,
here lets get that off you and put it
on a leaf and put that in a jar with a slug”
as opposed to the heebee jeebee dance.
I was so proud of myself for not producing the
fourth generation of arachnophobes.

Unfortunately, My Child, seems to have gone over
to the dark side of arachnophobia
after running into two vindictive wolf spiders.

There’s also “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes”
that encourages Girly to shove her fingers into
other people’s “eyes and ears and mouth and nose.”
I didn’t remember the second part of that song,
probably because my great grand mother, mother,
pre school and school didn’t believe
“in such foolishness, teaching children
to spread germs like that.”
I think I should teach her the Latin or
French version of those songs and before you ask,
no I don’t know them, but it is never too early
to start a foreign language that helps explain our whacky language
while teaching anatomy in English, French and Latin.
I have a French-English dictionary (yes, a real book,)
anatomy books (still real)
and the internet (only virtual, not real.)
Hmmmm. If I’m typing physically,
but it posts virtually,
did I really write anything?

Intellectual Property Laws say I did
and thanks internet again for that,
my thoughts are mine, all mine.
Yup, it is early enough to have an,
“If a tree falls in the forest conversation,”
but I seem to have rambled to 1150 words
so maybe I can catch another hour of sleep
before, “The Sleeper Awakens.” 1171, 1189
Were the lawyers, real or virtual?
I’ll never sleep now. 1320
What else goes on my list? 1326
What did I forget? 1330
Stop counting
Ugh
1333

Somehow
I managed to edit
fall asleep then
edit again up to 1407.

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10 thoughts on “The Seventh Time

  1. I was able to sleep,
    sorta,
    if you count waking up seven times,
    that means I was sleeping in between the wakings,
    so that’s better than none at all right?

    LOL! That’s what I do between the toity trips at night. I’ve been thinking of it backwards! this post is adorable. I have a spider thing, too, so I relate!!!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes, I do know that. And the older I get the worse it’s getting. It’s not uncommon for me to lay down and take a two hour nap in the daytime these days. Course part of it is because Drollery has sleep apnea and won’t use his c-pap… I’m a really light sleeper.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I feel your pain. Time for you to start sleeping to books on tape. Yeah, I know, everything has gone digital. I obviously meant, “Do you have an mp3 player with bluetooth headphones so you can listen to that instead of during your power naps? I’m glad they finally solved the problem of how to sleep with the radio on without disturbing your partner who snores like a bear. Wait my first point was they now make headphones that don’t get tangled around you during your sleep. If you’re a sleep roller. My second point was – Ahem, ever wonder where the name My Bear comes from? Snores like a _____? I used to sleep like the dead (really,I could sleep anywhere, the floor, a table, a chair with pen in hand during a lecture. I wasn’t even a head bobber. My years of having to listen for baby breathing have seriously affected my sleep. Now I’m a light sleeper. I hear every gurgle, snort, gasp and blessed moment of silence. Until, I hear, “Ma-Mameee? Up, Up, Up Baybee Up, Ba-ba, Maamee(increasing in volume, just in case I’m sleeping the domesticated infant wants to make sure I can hear her.) Sounds like a complaint, but it is not. It rivals, the bass tones of My Child as he used to walk in the door. As if I didn’t hear my front door (with bells on it) slam open and hit the desk. “MOMMY, I’m here. Good Morning Mommy.” The Silent Sentinel just appears out of nowhere near the upper reaches of my doorway ans softly says “mommy.” ESR was at school for a presentation I had to give at his school and a girl heard him call me mommy. First they did the stupid, that’s your mom routine? Duh, doesn’t he look like a cafe-au lait version of me? Isn’t he the same build as me. What am I thinking? Tact in a 13 year old girl? Never. While we stared at her like she had dropped her marbles on the floor as she realized we weren’t joking. He said with a serious expression, “What do you call your mother?” She said, “Mom.” He said, I call my mother “Mommy.” She staopped asking dumb questions and walked away with her tail between her legs. I was so proud of him for not backing down or being embarrassed. ESR is very proud of his decisions in public, (he walked to school, dressed as a cat, full make up and hair ears) but doubts himself internally. I wonder who he got that from? Sorry that was long wandering and not so on topic..

        Like

    1. Today’s car ride included a monkey, fox and goat (plus the standard dog cat mouse bull chicken horse dog elephant donkey sheep,) she thought it was funny. I’m going to have to make a list for the dashboard, so I can keep track of all the animals.

      Liked by 2 people

Any thoughts on the above post are appreciated! Otherwise, I think I must be living under a rock.

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