Thought hospitalization would
help fix something, anything.
I never got there. I called
for help, but this is the time
of year when everyone has
parents in hospice or recently
died or are terminally ill.
I am not that sick, therefore
I am not a priority.
Suck it up sweetheart
and try to put one foot
in front of the other.
The pills they prescribe
can save a life
when it feels that bleak.

One unconscious night may not save me,
but I feel that is all I can spare in
case of an emergency with Girlie.

Put on my oxygen mask before putting on
Girlie’s was the best advice I got this week
from a life long friend. By the time the trauma
ends, I can unfasten her seatbelt, she cannot.

Also, I cannot make an adult act like an adult
when they want to throw a temper tantrum or
remain passive. I can make my opinion known but that
is another blog, for another day, hopefully with warm sunshine.

Vague and not very specific
but it relates to everything
I have written about recently;
steel, education, custody,
being called a bad parent,
different standards/rights
for poor/mentally ill people,
ex relative and ex friends.


7 thoughts on “I crashed this week

      1. Doctors orders to take higher doses of this crap that keeps me unconscious. I need to be able to wake up in case Girlie needs help. I don’t like pills that knock me out. Hell, if I would just believe them (that I am bi-polar type II) and take lithium, seraquel or the other one I can’t remember, I would sleep for seven hours in the daytime, but with a baby-Hell no! Plus, the medicines don’t work right for me so I can’t make myself take this crap, more than once a week. I need a new doc. I have an appointment, but my crises never waits for appointments.


    1. My anti depressant no longer works, I’m sobbing for hours, I have seasonal affective disorder. I’m taking vitamin D 6000 day. I’m still sinking. The stress has finally gotten to me. It was that last truck load that broke the camel’s back. plus an evening of harassment texts, emails, phone calls at 10pm, the 7am about something that was beyond my control. Steel can be placed in an interesting location so I don’t have to talk about it ever again. Only I am responsible, my ex won’t give me the taxes I need that he was ordered to give me in May of 2014.


      1. Do you have all your stuff cleared out of his place now? I know that doesn’t mean you’re free and clear of him for awhile yet, but hopefully you won’t have to go back there again. When’s the appointment with the new doc? And this may be a dumb question — I’m medically challenged anyway — but what happens if you off your meds altogether? Is that a bad question to ask? 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I may have all that I can take. I can’t lift anything else, I have no one to lift it for me. I have to interact with him 4-5 times a week, because he won’t stop calling me about HIS emergencies. He does not plan for the children, somehow, it is my fault. HE runs out of meds, my fault????!!! Not my fault, my fault if I answer the phone, reply to a text or email. When you go off an SSRI or SSPRI you have withdrawal. It can be like the flu. It can be like three days of hallucinations, it can be like being in a hole, begging for someone to shoot me. Cold turkey is almost as bad a transitioning to a new med. Withdrawal, hallucinations, head zaps, flu symptoms…I went out of town once and tried to get more medicine at Walmart in another state. They kept telling me it was not there. It wasn’t the pharmacy filled it in my home state while I went into withdrawal. New therapist in November, new pdoc in November…


Any thoughts on the above post are appreciated! Otherwise, I think I must be living under a rock.

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