ADHD Life Lesson Number 1

Some days I have
a lot to say
other days
I still have
a lot to say
but can’t seem
to finish a
thought or
complete the
simple
task of
push
ing
the
pub
lish
but
ton
.

ADHD
Life Lesson Number 1

I didn’t leave the rake
in the driveway hidden
in a pile of leaves
because I wanted you
to run it over and
puncture your tires,
I probably just heard
a flock of grackles,
noticed I didn’t have my
cell phone to take a photo,
went inside to retrieve it,
then saw that the dishes
were dirty, washed them,
cleaned the counters,
fed Girlie melon while teaching
her to ask politely for more food
rather than screaming
“MOOORRRRE”
then throwing a plate,
No, plate throwing, Girlie.
No, no, no.

We practice this everyday:
Mommy
“mah-meeeeeee!” with a big grin
May
“mmayeh”
I
“AH”
Have
“haf” by now she’s simultaneously
pointing and patting her chest in
sign language saying
pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease
More
“moor”
Melon (Insert new word each day)
“meh-a”
Me-Lon
“meh-an” I nod, yes
Please?
“peace”
Yes
“ah tank u” she nods, blows me a kiss and smiles (her sign language thank you.)
You’re welcome! I blow a kiss back.
She can actually say, “tank you”
the “ah” in front makes me think of Elvis, go figure.

At the end I hug her and say
“good girl or good job”
say “good girl” in the middle
and it becomes implanted in
the middle of her sentence practice.

Imagine,
“May good girl, I, have a melon, good job, please,
yes good girl, thank you you’re welcome?”

Girlie gets a reward
learns how to speak in
a sentence-ish, gains
some self control (HAH!)
while sitting with
Mommy Manners
strapped in a high chair.

Have you ever fed a toddler
without the assistance
of a restrictive device?
of course some of you have
and will call me barbaric
however, when you find
a teeming nest of ants
crawling over an
unrecognizable piece of fruit
in the corner of your living room
including the gnats,
flies and rotting smell
(gotta love that silent g,
I was hoping for a silent k
like in knowledge or known,
but the silent g wins this time
otherwise I’m talking about my friend Nat.)
you can understand
my need to keep her in
one place while the
highly attention deficit
two year old gets fed
by the highly attention
deficit forty-five year old.

Yes, yes, I could follow her
around like a blood hound
watching her at all times,
one foot away, casting a
constant shadow over her
making sure her sticky fingers
(That I should be licking if
I were half a good bloodhound)
don’t leave prints on my ecru furniture,
the walls, the windows, the chairs,
but really? REALLY? Get a life.

I cling to what sanity I have left,
following my sweet Girlie around
giving her no sense of space is
hovering, unnatural and just
plain exhausting. Healthy distance
is what I aim for. I don’t let her
wander outside into the road
or play near bodies of water
unattended, I just have to teach
her that she can have some freedom
to do some things without the
mommy manners inquisition
“you will learn a word, today”
routine.

then I remembered
twelve hours later in a
subconscious planted
clue as part of one of my
nightly nightmares that night
that I had left a rake in the driveway.

Wouldn’t an image of the rake in the pile of leaves been a great idea. Yeah, well, its raining outside and I’m not in the mood now.

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