Ghost Cat

Ghost cat woke me by repeatedly walking
across my feet to wake me from my sleep.
(I checked there were no mice having a
party at the end of my bed.)
What a surprise I have a new friend
Better to have a ghost feline
for a friend than nightmares
that wake me up gasping for air
heart pounding, tears streamimg
into the pillow. I prefer to drool instead.

I keep waking up at 4 frickin’ thirty in
the heavens to betsy morning
Damn. Its like torture from within.
Just relax and you will find a new way
of living with yourself in your new world.

Forgive me, I take joy in small inconsequential things
like loading wood onto a trailer, so that I can keep warm this winter
steel be damned. Burning steel is not going to keep us warm
this winter in this big old house. The house is a few years younger than
I am. We will age together.

In one of my last posts I wrote that I was sinking.
Well, here I am floating four inches below the surface
holding my breath, waiting for evaporation to save me
as I tread water. I get a new psychiatrist this week
and a new therapist next week. I get to keep my old one,
because she wasn’t billing me anyway
but she knows me and is a nice enough person to
realize I will sink into the abyss without her.

She knows I never lied
I didn’t beat my children
I don’t deserve the treatment
I have received and continue to
receive, she knows what a piece of
work my ex is because she knows him
She and my old psychiatrist (who retired in 2014)
know how diabolical he is. The family therapist has
just figured it out. He’s an actor, so is his father.
They may never be well known, but they have a definite audience
We’re chained in our seats, once by marriage, thrice by birth

Advertisement