He puts his head down as I talk
He never responds when I ask questions
Obviously, my questions hurt him
His soul is a one celled organism
Speaking to no one
hearing only attack,
slight, and complaints.
I want to know because
I don’t understand.
I do not want or
intend to hurt him.
Getting to know him makes
him squirm far far away.
Why live with someone who can
barely stand to be in the room with you?
Where his intent is for me to leave
and stop talking to him.
He has set up the dysfunctional mommy child
roles in our relationship, I fell right into place
where I’m the mommy he gets to resent,
so he gets to be the passive aggressive child
I become angry because I realize he is listening
to the television down the hall rather than listening to me.
I tell him he has to deal with his
past mommy issues, because I didn’t give birth
to him. I didn’t do that stuff to him.
I wasn’t there. I can’t make him do anything.
I have too many children already.
I’m tired of being the adult in the house.
I’m stupid and my telepathy thingie is broken
Someone explain the male brain to me
Could you send me a letter to explain it to me
I would appreciate it.
I once had a boyfriend who took the same classes I took,
because, “If you took them, them must have been good classes,” he said.
I asked him one day, why take classes you have no interest in, or that you’re not good at? He said, he didn’t know what he was good at.
Help me out here.
Are we not all trapped in out heads.
Does the male head have crickets and
pictures of sex that cause erections rather
than neural activity every five minutes.
Why are all my boyfriends unable to communicate?
Why have I selected immature partner number 51?
What is wrong with me that I can’t find a fun, intelligent guy who doesn’t want to control me who
wants to be able to read to his daughter?
Amanuensis Sobriquet-Reverie 
So sorry. Been there, done that. I wish I had something wise to say.
One lens that has helped me a little more than most is that of introvert/extrovert difference. I’m a pretty strong introvert myself, and I don’t really like to be asked a lot of questions either. Questions can make me squirm too. Some people just need downtime, away from other people and their questions. It’s not personal, although it can sure feel that way to the question asker. If you haven’t already, you might want to read Susan Cain’s book, Quiet, the Power of Introverts, which might help you understand where he is coming from.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. People like that are out there; you will find them whether you are looking for them or not. In fact, What I’ve found is that I have to avoid become too emotionally enmeshed with or dependent on someone like this. Sometimes he’s there for me, sometimes he’s supportive, and I can hope for that. But I can’t depend on him to always be there for me no matter what. I still have to have my own independent support network: other friends, interests, places to go, other people to count on. I have to find it within myself. And this is a good thing.
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Good advice, thank you! I used to be an introvert, then my ADHD kicked in and I did 20 years of therapy. I used to not talk at all, so when people sat next to me and talked I would listen, nod, smile, but I don’t think I gave the “get away from me, I hate you, you’re crazy you make me get up and bathe vibes.” He is after all a totally different person than who I started dating, so I shouldn’t be surprised. He is no longer self medicating, so that has something to do with the complete change in personality. If I wish upon a star…sigh.
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I can hear your frustration with your bear. E, I just wish you could have one really good day… How was your day today? {{{E}}}
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If I ignore the bad stuff from yesterday, that was really funny in a way. All the boys got to experience the red dye effect with me cackling for 20 minutes.
One of my replacement generics for adderall is a purplish blue, they say there is no red dye in it, but I have the same reaction to it. I asked my boys for a gallon of water and they gave me a crazy straw, which made it like trying to drink the ocean through a coffee stirrer. Then ESR gave me two other straws and suggested I drink through all the straws at once. Making lemons out of lemonade (damn word shuffle) lemonade out of lemons we found my hospital cup that holds a half gallon of water that has a 1/4″ straw and that stopped the cackling.
We opened presents. Girlie liked the wrapping paper best and spent a lot of time sitting on one of her wrapped presents which was one of those magnetic drawing boards while she threw wrapping paper and waved it like she had created a new olympic sport.
I made it through the opening of presents, may have eaten, but I don’t remember, had a seizure and was put to bed early. Postictal sleep is pretty deep.
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But you survived! And girly created a new Olympic sport! LOL Maybe by the time she’s old enough she’ll be famous and can support you!
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yes, these are the things that keep me going
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Men communicate differently than women. If we want them to hear us, we have to adapt to their style of communication. For instance, when my young son was in therapy, his therapist would give him something to do with his hands (like an art project), and while he was distracted in this way, she would get him to talk. I don’t know how that would work for men, but maybe it will give you some ideas. 🙂
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Thank you:) I used to do that when the boys were little, then they resented their art because we were both artists. My Bear is a weaver, but hasn’t woven in such a long time. He use to even make chain mail. Everything got bottled up somewhere in all of us. I just keep not giving up on them and I can see them tuning me out. They tolerate me. Perspective is useful. Sometimes I can control the amount I talk and I realize that they don’t miss it, though I do. 😦
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You should not have to repress yourself just to suit the men in your family. Yes, women should learn how to communicate with men better, but the reverse is also true.
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True. I’m a little “all or nothing” and have a hard time slowing down to give them time to respond. I wish I could slow down my thinking, but I’m thinking rocket speed on five topics, while writing two pieces, thinking about the day, the garden and reading a book at the same time. Intimidating to most. Including my ex- who learned to hate me. I never hated him until after. I keep looking for the good in people. Naive.
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Perhaps you already do this, but it always helps when I put my thoughts down on paper (computer). It allows me to get down to the root of what I’m trying to convey, allowing me to leave all the other noise by the wayside. I even have whole conversations with other people just on paper. It’s like preparation for the real thing.
And looking for the good in people is not naive — it’s what an optimist would do. Now, do you want to be an optimist or a pessimist? 🙂
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I kind of gave up on writing because I have all these dyslexic people around asking me What are you writing? what are you reading? you mean writing so I can streamline MY thoughts. ok. I can give it a try.
Ya know its hard to be a depressed optimist. 🙂 but it did make me laugh:)
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