I’ve been independent for how many years
lurking in the shadows avoiding blows
and running to be safe and feel secure
looking for someone to hold my hand
feeling like crap
with the self esteem
of a slug

(who knows, they may
be the self esteem
powerhouses that glide
on their own slime.

Actually, lets look
at the average slug
that just keeps going
and going and going
until it devours my
cabbage plant or broccoli.
Not too shabby for a
terrestrial gastropod mollusc.

It travels shelless,
naked to any predator,
ready to attack hearty
green plants slowly
with determination
you have them in your
garden. They are actually
brave creatures, so now
I have to take it all back.)

I’m working on
standing up for myself
(yeah, with those wobbly legs)
I have been for years.
I tell people owww,
when they hurt me
then I have
to explain to them
that it is a slap
in the face to do
what has just been ‘
done to me.

Am I wasting my time
with a person who
doesn’t care anyway?
Or, should I continue
with the teachable
moment til I turn blue
in the face?

Are people just self centered
predators raiding the garden and
apologizing only when they get
caught eating the heads off my
sunflowers? Does it give a feeling of
power to individuals who take advantage
of the sick and unstable?

Retreating from the college town
of entitlement and priviledge
I was hoping to feel more at home
away from parasites who can suck
the joy out of life. These parasites
have wings and seem to look like
a gorgeous butterfly, but actualy have
a proboscis for sucking blood from
anyone it lands upon. Perhaps,
I should stop trying to inform the
creature and just smash it. Will I
become like the succubus enjoying
the satisfaction of contolling death,
or can that be my ego rearing its
ugly head when I need to be more
concerned about my self respect?


4 thoughts on “So it takes how much abuse to develop self esteem?

Any thoughts on the above post are appreciated! Otherwise, I think I must be living under a rock.

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