I have always taken
photographs of myself.

Not because I think
I’m pretty, but to
capture myself as I
was because I knew
I would not stay
this way forever.

I have photographs
from my teen years
taken in bathrooms,
self portraits drawn
that captured more
than what I saw in
the photos, but the
pain of being who I
was, never good
enough, never pretty
enough, never smart
enough in my head.

I’m a record keeper.
I document the
chronicle of my life
hoping that one day
I will be important
enough that someone
will recognize what
I couldn’t see in
myself. This brazen
woman mother artist
will finally be free
to be happy.

16 thoughts on “Sandbox Writing Challenge 21 — Shhhh! It’s a secret.

  1. You know what, sweetie? I got the same problem, BUT I would never taken pictures of myself. I seldom let ANYone take pictures of me. Your last line is haunting. This brazen woman mother artist will finally be free to be happy. Sometimes I think that reality is just a myth… I’m down tonight, too. {{{E}}}

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I really liked the photo of the drawing in condensation on the mirror but it’s quite haunting – I thought it was a window at first – it has the effect of a window. Together with your writing it’s a very powerful and moving post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Sweet 🙂 Not something you drew and photographed in the moment of responding to the post then – makes it even more cool that it’s incidental documentation type photo you’ve used 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you! It’s one of my self portraits from my photography files, but not so clear that anyone can actually see who I am. If you look closely on the right side you can see my hand through my hair. No, I really do have a bunch of bathroom mirror self portraits. Some of it catalogs my face, my hair or a pregnancy. Funny, my kids (and their generation) call them Selfies when they post them on instagram, facebook, etc… I really don’t want them broadcast all over the world though through social media. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I have a similar tendency myself for documentation and photos via reflections that don’t show the image clearly or as a whole and taking pictures of my shadow and stuff like that. It’s really reassuring to find other people have similar habits – many people seem to think it a strange thing to do – but then they’ll barely spare a moment to look at the sky and I find that really odd 🙂 I’m so glad there was no social media and mobile phones as a youngster! All those 1980s phases that might have been captured and shared!

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      4. I take a photograph of my shadow when I’m in the park. Sometimes I include my shoes tips. I don’t remember why I started doing that, but I also take pictures of manhole covers and sewer grates. They have just become habits. Well the sky is just never the same, so it is a favorite thing to photograph with trees below or with trees surrounding it. Some people cannot look out of their short frame of reference to see the beauty around us. I could spend a lifetime in one yard taking photos. No matter where I live I always take photographs of my outdoor surroundings. Nice to meet you kindred spirit! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. yes I’m prone to drain covers and things like that 🙂 I love anything rusty too especially if I can pick it up and get it home (mostly only small stuff and usually just tiny, tiny stuff like bolts, washers, bottle tops… ) In some ways it’s a good thing I’m not able to get out much just now or I’d need another shed. Nice to meet you again too 🙂 I’ve a feeling we met before, blogwise, briefly, weeks ago sometime – I tend to be sporadic and run out of steam. Anyway, nice chatting but I’m yakking too much – probably be with you again another time 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      6. No, it’s nice to have a brief conversation at 4am, I’m happy to yak with you anytime. Yes, I share the obsession with rusty bits and used to stop to pick them up. The joy of this blogosphere is that we can drop in and out of each other’s sites without remorse, as our lives allow. That’s how I feel about it. Sometimes the world gets in the way. Plus I have a memory the size of a small furry woodland creature for who I may have met during some of my WordPress classes. Sigh. Tis life 🙂 Thank goodness for the dashboard. I now have a computer memory. I met you through Platosgroove in the comments… Have a wonderful day!

        Liked by 1 person

Any thoughts on the above post are appreciated! Otherwise, I think I must be living under a rock.

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