A little cramping…HAH!
I asked the OBGYN if the pain would
be like a pap smear? He shook his head,
frowned and said, “No, it will feel
like I’m putting an IUD in.”
I’m thinking, “Great! Nausea inducing
pain. The kind I don’t want to drive
home with.”
The nurse asked me, “Do you need protection?”
“No, thanks,” said the delusional patient.
Actually, I carry my own and just to
be safe put one on when I got dressed.
I didn’t realize, that in addition to the
pain of putting in an IUD, I would probably
have the same bleeding associated with
the IUD as well. Yippee! Well, hell,
I’m in for a fun couple of weeks.
He let me know that my birth control of choice
needs to have some hormones associated with it,
to regulate my irregular periods.
He also let me know that my non hormonal IUD
was probably the reason for my prolonged bleeding. Nifty!
Summary: Pain, bleeding, bloating, wait gain.
My thoughts on the subject:
HAH
Yippee
Well, hell
Nifty
I have been assured that this new device will
solve ALL my problems (will it do windows?)
I’ll be infertile, unless I plan to have more kids,
WTWTF?!
I stopped the doc and said, “Are you kidding me?
I already have four kids.”
He said, “I’m not trying to judge, but you never know.”
I gave him the ‘What you talkin’ about Willis?’ look and
told him, “My midwife pretty much told me not to even
consider getting pregnant again.”
This device lasts 5-7 years and by then,
I will hopefully be in menopause.
If I get this I will never bleed again.
Wait for it… imagine a black Ethyl Merman singing
“I’ll never bleed again, like I bled for you.
I’ll never cramp again, what good what it do?
For tears would fill my eyes and my ovaries would realize
that our romance is through.”
(I’ll never smile again
Until I smile at you
I’ll never laugh again
What good would it do
For tears would fill my eyes
My heart would realize
That our romance is true…)
Yes, butchery of a pretty cool song.
Amanuensis Sobriquet-Reverie 
Girl, I could read your stuff all day. As serious as that was it was so full of humor. Ever thought of writing a book about your trials?
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Yeah, I just seem to lack attention span. Before I had Girlie, I was compiling my writings from 1996 to 2012. All hell broke loose and the edited version was lost. I will have to start all over again. I will one day. Thanks for reading. I’m trying to keep my sense of humor about everything…
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