I’m trying
to find more positives than negatives
yet, the planets are askew and the
wind’s blowing my dress up in the air
(try holding a toddler while that happens)

He can’t remember our conversations
my words mean nothing
requests result in nothing
texts cause no reaction
I am the poltergeist in my relationship.

I expect this man to rise to the occasion
Be a parent
use the joy of Girlie
his child
to buoy his sinking spirit and ego
before it capsizes.

He wants a cheerleader? (I am Daria)
I don’t have the energy for me
much less for the four I gave birth to
plus an adult who claims memory loss
but doesn’t get lost on the way home or to work
and is gainfully employed.

He only loses track of time when
he’s not helping with the house,
his child or his financial obligations.

I say he has made his choice.
Responsibility vs. the PlayStation and Internet
Co defendants for the co-dependant.

His perpetual crisis is
supposed to push me to respond
save the day, solve his problem
throw him a life preserver.

Instead
I dodge the anxiety causing daily trauma
The gnashing of teeth, moaning in pain
cries of agony in the kitchen over
what the hell could it be?

I don’t smell smoke,
he hasn’t nicked an artery
Five minutes of swearing
then crashing to the floor 60 minutes later
A charley horse that brought along
a rhino for the ride.

Not a super hero, I have boundaries
that I must stay within.

I am Switzerland

To stop my anxiety attacks and
phychogenic non-epileptic seizures
I must reduce stress.

A therapist cautioned me
to not react to all stimuli.
(One tear escaped the duct,
so that means, I’m still human I guess)

He is so angry with me now,
I protect myself and my children.

Sage advice I was given when
Eldest Surly Reverie was going through
his emo/goth/depression/suicidal
ideation/violent stage
was to not engage.
Don’t take the bait.

If you answer the door,
just because someone knocks,
there could be a Land shark
(Remember Jane Curtain and Saturday Night Live from the 70’s and 80’s?)
or a family member with a grudge.
They know how to wound.

If you want to watch the full Saturday Live Land Shark skit they are here.

Any thoughts on the above post are appreciated! Otherwise, I think I must be living under a rock.

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