I read a blog about forgiveness
this is not about a person I
perceive to have wronged me

This is about creating a foundation
for my perpetually absent self-esteem

Perhaps I need a dowsing rod to find
the correct location to dig for it

Buried by years of clay and sand
this small seed must exist

Therapists tell me it can be
found and nurtured with work

I’m supposed to have self compassion
for my decisions and actions

No one forced me to get married
or to choose the father of Girlie

That’s why it’s so hard to forgive myself
My head is full of, “may be I should haves”

Guided meditation could be helpful
once I figure out what it is

My mom spent the past month
creating a program to honor mothers
by giving them a place to relax rather

than the pageant that mother’s day brunches
have become in Mom’s women’s organization.

No, this mother’s day event was not a
competition of hats or pastel church attire

I joke about church lady hats because
I’m covering up how uncomfortable
I feel at these traditional group events

First of all, I’m no demure flower
I haven’t worn pink in decades

Lastly, hats are made to keep
sun off my face while gardening


Wide of brim
devoid of flowers
matching with straw


4 thoughts on “Permission to forgive

  1. Personally I LOVE hats with floppy brims and flowers. I have one I wear every time the girls and I have tea! LOL Self-forgiveness is the hardest thing in the world to do no matter WHAT anyone tells you. There’s one thing in my life I have never been able to forgive myself for. Even though the person has told me over and over again there’s nothing to forgive. So if you find out how to, please be sure to let me know… Sigh…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Black church lady hats could knock you out they’re so stiff. Yours sounds nice. The ones I’m intimidated by block vision and show off who’s got the flashiest hat. I looked it up. This article has some of the crown headpieces. Kind of like English wedding hats. https://bglh-marketplace.com/2015/08/3-historical-reasons-why-black-women-wear-elaborate-church-hats/

      If I could tell you how to forgive yourself (or me for that matter) I’d be a very rich woman living on a private island with an art studio in my living space.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. OML! That gold hat is freakin’ amazing! Hattiquette! I love those rules! What an interesting article, E. I like the idea that they are equivalent to African headdresses. Fitting somehow. Was not surprised by the rebellion and then return to tradition of the young girls. I know someone who spent time teaching English in Africa. I gotta mail this to her. Thanks for posting the link! Mine has lace ribbon around it tied into a bow at the back and it drapes over the brim. 😀


Any thoughts on the above post are appreciated! Otherwise, I think I must be living under a rock.

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