last month sometime

It’s funny how
sleep deprived
I felt while I
wrote through the
nights last year

The new bags under my eyes
tell me volumes about my
quality of sleep or
lack thereof recently

For the past two months
I have been
trying to sleep
only to find
I sleep in chunks

A chunk in
the evening
only to wake up
at midnight
then two more hours

I wake at two
then four then
I just give up
on sleep altogether

This is not a
bladder issue
once emptied I’d
be able to
get some rest

This is
some brain thing
Isn’t it always?

My dreams are long
involved running searching
treasure hunt dreams

When I surface
from sleep I remember
every vivid detail
then I fall
back asleep
into the same dream

That’s odd for me.

This fall I traded in my car
the broken one
my favorite cause I
bought it outright with
my own money

I now have a car payment
No this is not excitement
this is full blown
apprehension

When I really freak out
I play word games on my iPhone
I broke my Tetris game
There are no more levels to play

I’m on level 1350 on Wordscapes
I’m not sure that it calms me
but it distracts me
from looking at
the successful folks

I went to high school with
No, I skipped
the thirty year reunion
I just couldn’t
get myself to want to
see those people who
barely noticed me

(Low self esteem
rears it’s ugly head)

A lot of them saw me
but never really knew me
I wasn’t very approachable
I was creeping in the halls
like a tiny mouse scurries
when she assumes she’s
surrounded by hungry cats

I don’t remember
the hallway walls
of my high school
I remember close ups
of my locker
the desks
some doors

I’d probably recognize the
pattern of the floor tiles

I always looked down
I don’t remember when it started
I just know I’m keenly aware
of what my feet looked like in
every single pair of shoes
I’ve ever walked in

The ground has always interested me
there’s such beauty that gets
overlooked driven over stepped upon