For the fourth year in a row
I have had to explain how
the holiday parenting schedule
works with my Ex

his attorney wrote it
(Why doesn’t he call her?)

Each year
I get that call
“It’s not fair…
two holidays in a row…
I have to cook
a large dinner…”

It’s all about choices
isn’t it?

I don’t even explain anymore
that the holiday for the boys
was supposed to be so
both parents
get to see their
three young men
for every major holiday

Christmas and the
New Year are the big three

This year
they managed to
blow off my half of

I didn’t have to cook
We may have even had
popcorn and pancakes
for breakfast

Girlie and I
were home alone
both sick
under blankets
age appropriate
TV shows that
appealed to the
glorious five year old
who lives with me

No I did not vegetate
or really watch those
mind numbing animal shows

She sits with me
watching her Kindle
and I read the
latest independently
published escapist
sci fi fantasy
series on my
e-book reader

Rather than dwell
I gave up
It’s not that I don’t care
I was terribly depressed

You know that darkness
that never brightens with sunlight?

I surrendered

No I have not reached

I was not high
(though that probably
would have been a good idea
unless I want to get a job
as a substitute teacher
Gotta pass that drug test
to get hired)

Having an
angry uterus and
screaming ovary
makes me want to
imbibe anything
to stop the pain

I have to run down
the list of self care items
I forget on a daily basis

Eating, medication, hot shower, reading, enough sleep.

Once I realize
I’ve been good and
not forgetful
I consider painkiller
muscle relaxant
anti-inflammatory pills

I opt for the ones I can take and drive, the ones that do the least, that give the least release. In case I have to pick up My Child, who may need a ride home or if he gets suspended again

Can’t leave a
five year old
in an artist’s house

She has learned
we hide the
dangerous things up high

Not that she’s short
at 44″ tall she’s got
about two more feet to grow
before she’s up to her brothers’ heights

Two boys magically appeared
five hours early
Their father chose
to ignore the schedule
as usual

Why ask? If he’s just going to do what he wants anyway.

I don’t waste much energy
on my Ex anymore
if I can help it

There was a reason I was
writing today
to say we will all survive this
whatever this is
day by day
when life is good
hour by hour
when necessary

Good news:
Girlie was able to get
adaptive swimming lessons
I took her to the gym
we braved the locker room
handled the pre swim shower
and made it into the pool room

Without hysteria
anxiety attacks
panic attacks
or fainting

I’m just talking about me here

Girlie had a blast
Water is her thing
the perfect sensory

She is fearless

I’m trying to learn
from this little genius
I’m so lucky to have
this lovely little companion


Any thoughts on the above post are appreciated! Otherwise, I think I must be living under a rock.

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