I’ve

Been trying to get up since 7.

The little girl abandoned me for cartoons and I was left
Finally alone, tears poured down my face.

I thought about calling someone texting someone to tell them I feel wasted, used up and discarded like an old tissue.

No one wants to receive that call:
“Hi. I’m calling from the abyss. Do you have a ladder or rope? I don’t remember falling in here, but here I am. Stuck, not quite floating, definitely flailing.”

Oh my god how I dread children’s birthday parties at party places filled with screaming children, shrieking siblings and the roar of parents voices trying to drown it all out.

Should I take a sedative when I arrive, so I don’t ruin someone’s special day with a panic attack. I can’t remember what I’m supposed to do to counteract sobbing. Vitamin B12?

I avoid crowded places like Chuck E Cheeze, Cedar Point, Walmart, concerts and festivals because they trigger my, “Oh sh&t, I want to run and hide,” overstimulated sensory response. But I can’t cancel going to Girlie’s cousin’s birthday party two years in a row. Or can I?

March 2019

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