Permission to forgive

I read a blog about forgiveness this is not about a person I perceive to have wronged me This is about creating a foundation for my perpetually absent self-esteem Perhaps I need a dowsing rod to find the correct location to dig for it Buried by years of clay and sand this small seed must…

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Pure chaos

I've been running non stop since the last post I'm the only driver in a home of six One has been in and out of the hospital 50 miles away three times since February Another has track practice every day after school and has to be picked up from school. Another has another school that…

He surfaced

He surfaced in the wee hours of the next morning An anniversary of his first full mental collapse (Not counting the partial ones) Surprisingly, My children are just as unpredictable mood wise as I seem to be (unstable yet) functionally, disabled most of my days moving pots, mixing soil and planting seeds

Waiting for the other shoe

My eldest surly reverie has posted a cry for help a goodbye on instagram Why can't I find my boy? He's replying in letters not sentences like he's drunk on misery Depression, ADHD, anxiety, bipolar mood swings unchecked by a stabilizer because it makes his mornings groggy Better sluggish than struggling to stay alive, of…

May update

May 9, 2017 9am Going to court today to fight for residential custody of children already in my custody. The school district is making me do it. I really don't care about the tax implications, or the possibility of child support. I just want My Child to go to a school district where there are…

March 2017

I wanted to post an update, but just don't have the energy to write and write, so here are some photos. It was warm and sunny until a couple days ago. I even dug a little garden in the back yard. Then it snowed and the will to stay awake was buried under the clouds.…

A Division of Labor: Body vs. Mind

(This is a summary post about my general health. Not for the faint of heart.) Scratching the cluster of hairs on my chin My thoughts divide 1. why are five hairs there now? 2. how do I keep from obsessing while I wait for test results? 1a. I am of the age where "unsightly facial…

Like dreams

My ideas come like dreams a project, an art piece a sculpture My pain rails against movement thoughts trapped in my head pull me down the well A bottomless well Watching the rope slip silently into the darkness I watch with no plan of escape the tether attached to my leg falls with the weight…