He surfaced

He surfaced in the wee hours of the next morning An anniversary of his first full mental collapse (Not counting the partial ones) Surprisingly, My children are just as unpredictable mood wise as I seem to be (unstable yet) functionally, disabled most of my days moving pots, mixing soil and planting seeds

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Waiting for the other shoe

My eldest surly reverie has posted a cry for help a goodbye on instagram Why can't I find my boy? He's replying in letters not sentences like he's drunk on misery Depression, ADHD, anxiety, bipolar mood swings unchecked by a stabilizer because it makes his mornings groggy Better sluggish than struggling to stay alive, of…

May update

May 9, 2017 9am Going to court today to fight for residential custody of children already in my custody. The school district is making me do it. I really don't care about the tax implications, or the possibility of child support. I just want My Child to go to a school district where there are…

March 2017

I wanted to post an update, but just don't have the energy to write and write, so here are some photos. It was warm and sunny until a couple days ago. I even dug a little garden in the back yard. Then it snowed and the will to stay awake was buried under the clouds.…

A Division of Labor: Body vs. Mind

(This is a summary post about my general health. Not for the faint of heart.) Scratching the cluster of hairs on my chin My thoughts divide 1. why are five hairs there now? 2. how do I keep from obsessing while I wait for test results? 1a. I am of the age where "unsightly facial…

Like dreams

My ideas come like dreams a project, an art piece a sculpture My pain rails against movement thoughts trapped in my head pull me down the well A bottomless well Watching the rope slip silently into the darkness I watch with no plan of escape the tether attached to my leg falls with the weight…

Drifting

I feel like I have fallen into the fog it is more accurate to say the fog has descended upon me I can hear the waves lapping upon the shore, I look down and see grey mist not my feet nor water My relationship with pain is odd as an 'on the wagon' cutter, I…

An Online Family: Loss

I never know what to say I have feelings of a dread when I should feel relief for her No more pain I am selfish to want another conversation another look into her life her perspective, her struggle with mental illness devastating depression There is so much unsaid I'm a day late for her online…