I was thinking about leaving a written trail of bread crumbs for someone to find. A list of items, memoirs, notes and photographs that explained my actions. Then I remembered, my anonymous blog is a trail of bread crumbs. My crumbs drop behind me as I walk into the leaves the crunch swish of yellow…
What is the cost?
How much does a back cost? Can you quantify the value of irreplaceable parts? I asked My Bear, "How much is my back worth? (deleting a bunch of extraneous replies...) "Really, can you put a value on the replacement cost of my back?" "Do you know how much I had to pay for the truck,…
Plopping in a chair, now in use
(By the way, the picture is supposed to be blurry, when you unload steel on less than six hours of sleep with a bad back, EVERYTHING IS BLURRY) I sat down with a plop on a wet office chair with a back that I use when gardening now. The outdoor lights were on but even…
24 Partial Sanity list- Long and sad, so get tissues or read it another day
I said I would not post today because it is one of my high anxiety days, but fell asleep last night in Girlie's room watching her breathe, so I'm posting today. I'm sorry. I startled awake on my left side at 2 am face down on my hand in front of my computer a car…
Day 2. Step by Step, I’m wandering around exhausted
Hidden in plain sight You know that feeling you get when you're looking for something for half an hour: keys, purse, wallet, laptop computer. You know you walked by it fifteen times, but you can't see the forest for the trees because your toddler tormented you for hours on end last night because you fell…
Clear Water dreams
I keep having a dream that I'm lost on my way to my new home, driving around the curves and down into the valleys and around the bend until I drive into the water that is running across the road. The water becomes a lake and I fear how far I will have to swim…
The week’s trauma
He lost a father while I gained a son my eldest son alienated, my child, his youngest brother while gaining sympathy from the silent sentinel. His father planned for him to leave by any means. When I arrived Thursday ES was in handcuffs The goal being for him to snap. I forced them to remove…
I woke up from a nightmare
of undetermined content blurs of my ex, my children my terror. I had to wake up ES Reverie so he wouldn't be late for his graduation practice this morning I sent him an email. I couldn't remember where my phone was. Yesterday was not normal. I took Boy #1 and #2 to the pediatrician shots…
Suspend disbelief
"Yes, Early bird, I am twenty six and you are thirty six forever." Hteba assured her oldest friend. "EB, we were born with children who spawned from our hands (much tidier than Zeus.) I was still plump with my fairy child when I was born. Big hand syndrome I believe they called it years ago."…
Kick the Road
kicking aside the gel of life and tripping over the roadblocks I am trying to wade through this patch of angry crabgrass that is tangling with my ankles I planted this grass seed the label said, "Industrial, Fast Growing Mix for Northeastern States." It should have said, "For quicksand plant here!" I lifted my hand…
Amanuensis Sobriquet-Reverie 