Pure chaos

I've been running non stop since the last post I'm the only driver in a home of six One has been in and out of the hospital 50 miles away three times since February Another has track practice every day after school and has to be picked up from school. Another has another school that…

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Making an effort

This relationship has stalled I want communication He wants __________ (well if he were speaking to me I would know) I can guess I have waited I have asked All answers are 'I don't know' I know that his actions provide a glaring answer of their own 'I don't want to I'm not ready to…

Difficult

Dear Readers, I guess you can tell I'm struggling to remain focused I'm pulled like Silly Putty in the hands of a toddler Not understanding the reality of sticky objects she puts me in her sock I'm spending time fending off emotional assaults attention seeking behavior sorting through my purse being accused of yelling and…

A Long Story

The Silent Sentinel said, "You've got really bad taste in men!" So that caught me off guard I had to count to ten Tell me something I don't know. Artists and their delusions of passion sex and living in the moment "If I could go back in time and never marry your father I would"…

The duality of perception in communication

Yesterday, I may have said Did you clean the kitty litter? But he heard You have never cleaned the kitty litter. Creating an argument with one participant The other blinks in confusion at another conversation that has gone astray again Obviously, I must be speaking some alien language translated by angry squirrels on a bad…

Gift 12/28/2016

Finally getting Girlie to go to sleep this morning was my gift from her. I'm sure she didn't plan it any more than the average three year old plans to be awake screaming through most of the night, but I'm taking this gift from my child as a cherished one. My fourth child has some…

I’m trying 3/18/2017

I'm trying to find more positives than negatives yet, the planets are askew and the wind's blowing my dress up in the air (try holding a toddler while that happens) He can't remember our conversations my words mean nothing requests result in nothing texts cause no reaction I am the poltergeist in my relationship. I…

January 31, 2018-February 2, 2018 Update

I am exhausted. We have had the flu and some upper respiratory infections an ear infection and I am so tired of the hacking pressure with a shaky unstable head. Though, I do enjoy the sleep of the convalescing. four to five hours of dreamless sleep waking up in the silent house 9:30pm all is…

This toddler phenomenon

She was easy Now shrieking at the top of her lungs She used to like going to bed with Woof-woof. "BANG-BANG" using the plastic xylophone as a battering ram I would say, "Goodnight Girlie," and she would say, "Good night ma-ih." "THUMP JINGLE, THUMP JINGLE" using the plastic clown rattle to emphasize the syllables, "Let…

Journal Entry: Connections

One here One there An affinity for her prose enjoying his sentences whimsy in her tone mischief in his humor the sensual sound of reason While my life allows none. (My friends are bloggers who know a small safe part of me) Sometimes, I think I've connected then I feel the distance the darkness crowds…