Trying to be nice

This week is a doozy Physical therapy for my stabbing back pain A doctor willing to try to straighten my scoliosis by strengthening my uncooperative muscles okay, we'll see Meeting with the local juvenile court to establish my family team case management They came to the house yesterday to meet the kids There was no,…

Running in my dreams

My fears become terrors my worries become reality I lose what is most precious as I search my self conscious for a lost child, lost photographs things I knew I saw when I was awake yesterday. I can't make myself wake but when I do the panic is still there though reality quickly seeps into…

Breaking Rules

Rule number one Do not start the day with two pseudo seizures. This does not bode well for the day Rule number two On that same day do not take one's sick bear to the emergency room. Rule number three Wait in the car, do no try to be supportive to one's bear because you…

AHHHH!

Update I got one call back from a therapist just checking on me and I called my psychiatrist back about my sinking depression that may have been caused by my new Latuda or the decrease in Paxil. I think it was the decrease in Paxil. So, my Paxil went back up and I got to…

Five AM

  I've been up for two hours fretting about doctors and their bed side manners or lack thereof A tear fell as I remember this past week in bed, in pain wanting to work wanting to walk wanting to pick up Girlie I got stuck with my arms over the top of her crib. She…

So I never sleep

So I never sleep during regular hours. I go to sleep in the dark and wake in the dark I have to wait hours until I see daylight What use would that be? I can wake and wash in the wee hours of the morning Hysterics follow  He never says goodbye, my bear he is…

Digging myself out

If you could foresee one accomplishment in your future, what would you like it to be? from Impromptu Promptlings https://promptlings.wordpress.com/2015/11/24/the-sandbox-writing-challenge-16-crystal-ball/ Iaminahole inthedark wishingfor something otherthan thisbleak darkfogIam in.Nocutting willsolveit Nomedicine seemstocure it,doctors seemtothink itisajoke Iamajoke Imustbefaking WhydoInotwant tobelockedup safeanddrugged untilIcannot feelthepain? Reality is painfulsometimes mixed with joy thedepressive coctail has a purposesothat I can appreciate…

Note to Self

Do not find things to do in the middle of the night to fight insomnia. The basement is a dangerous place for you- you budding pyromaniac. Those boxes of old patterns are extremely flammable. Cleaning with fire is a bit drastic. Water is not enough when they spill flaming from the wood burning stove. Asbestos…

3am, not 4am, not 5am

Placate the gods Really, cause I have nothing better to do. Obviously, I have pissed off the insomnia gods. I should build a temple in my front yard Set it alight and hope the gods notice before the local fire department. Next month, I will try building a mud tower to placate the angry- pain,…