I’m trying 3/18/2017

I'm trying to find more positives than negatives yet, the planets are askew and the wind's blowing my dress up in the air (try holding a toddler while that happens) He can't remember our conversations my words mean nothing requests result in nothing texts cause no reaction I am the poltergeist in my relationship. I…

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Waiting for the other shoe

My eldest surly reverie has posted a cry for help a goodbye on instagram Why can't I find my boy? He's replying in letters not sentences like he's drunk on misery Depression, ADHD, anxiety, bipolar mood swings unchecked by a stabilizer because it makes his mornings groggy Better sluggish than struggling to stay alive, of…

Pink Slipped

Sure, I have my support team who deserts me when I need them I am told to surrender myself to the emergency ward to be detained until they decide what to do with me I am shamed for driving myself in for help why should I travel by ambulance when I have a car? I…

I have problems with anti-psychotic medications

and mood stabilizers too. I just got out of the hospital again. This time the stay was unexpected because I could not control my thoughts. This too shall pass. My diagnosis changed again. This young enthousiastic and perceptive psychiatrist took me off the mood stabilizer and antipsychotic (latuda and lamictal) but added wellbutrin to my…

I can’t think straight

I'm off to mail a package, but I wanted to let you know I'm going to miss the post office by five minutes, just so you know. This is my pattern. I'm very tired on these new meds and there appears to be a waiting period where I get to pause for my body to…

Morning Angry

I woke up this morning angry enough to chew nails and spit bullets. Sounds kinda Marvel comicesque but my jaw was sore (from bruxism) when I woke up from an angry swearing dream, where I was arguing with demons from my past. (Not actual demons, just people I don't feel like naming anymore) This dream…

AHHHH!

Update I got one call back from a therapist just checking on me and I called my psychiatrist back about my sinking depression that may have been caused by my new Latuda or the decrease in Paxil. I think it was the decrease in Paxil. So, my Paxil went back up and I got to…

Book Reviews

I have been reading during my hibernation this winter. This is the first chance I've had to hunker down and lose myself in new worlds since I'm up at the pre-crack of dawn (2-4am) every blessed day. I could be up doing laundry or cleaning my bedroom, but as I have said before this is…

Digging myself out

If you could foresee one accomplishment in your future, what would you like it to be? from Impromptu Promptlings https://promptlings.wordpress.com/2015/11/24/the-sandbox-writing-challenge-16-crystal-ball/ Iaminahole inthedark wishingfor something otherthan thisbleak darkfogIam in.Nocutting willsolveit Nomedicine seemstocure it,doctors seemtothink itisajoke Iamajoke Imustbefaking WhydoInotwant tobelockedup safeanddrugged untilIcannot feelthepain? Reality is painfulsometimes mixed with joy thedepressive coctail has a purposesothat I can appreciate…

Mistakes

My mom had to get me out of the hospital. It was like the doctor (Dr. B) didn't speak the same kind of English I spoke last weekend and they were going to experiment with my medication indefinitely until I brought my mom in to threaten fire and brimstone to get me out of a…