Palpitations every evening make me wonder Why is it? Why am I? What shall I do? Breathe and weed, breath and weed. Barefoot in soil, step in the garden Catch a child mid air Laugh and stare, laugh and stare. She giggles at bugs then asks for a hug. I understand I live for this…
Running in my dreams
My fears become terrors my worries become reality I lose what is most precious as I search my self conscious for a lost child, lost photographs things I knew I saw when I was awake yesterday. I can't make myself wake but when I do the panic is still there though reality quickly seeps into…
So I never sleep
So I never sleep during regular hours. I go to sleep in the dark and wake in the dark I have to wait hours until I see daylight What use would that be? I can wake and wash in the wee hours of the morning Hysterics follow He never says goodbye, my bear he is…
Small Girl goes shopping
Once upon a time, the small girl went shopping. It was her mother's favorite past time. To visit a store meant hours upon hours of sitting with her brothers in the car parking lot waiting while her mother tried on clothes at shopping centers, specialty women's stores and boutiques Or, she would have to go…
Stuck with two things
I was hoping to roll over this second morning until I realized that I am stuck on my back with my legs up or down. There is no roll to the left or right, only pain. This is PMS right? an added feature to leaving crime victim stains in bed soaking blankets in cold water…
Note to Self
Do not find things to do in the middle of the night to fight insomnia. The basement is a dangerous place for you- you budding pyromaniac. Those boxes of old patterns are extremely flammable. Cleaning with fire is a bit drastic. Water is not enough when they spill flaming from the wood burning stove. Asbestos…
3am, not 4am, not 5am
Placate the gods Really, cause I have nothing better to do. Obviously, I have pissed off the insomnia gods. I should build a temple in my front yard Set it alight and hope the gods notice before the local fire department. Next month, I will try building a mud tower to placate the angry- pain,…
Mistakes
My mom had to get me out of the hospital. It was like the doctor (Dr. B) didn't speak the same kind of English I spoke last weekend and they were going to experiment with my medication indefinitely until I brought my mom in to threaten fire and brimstone to get me out of a…
This is what happened at the hospital, last Friday-Tuesday
This is the letter I will be emailing to the Hospital Inpatient Behavioral Health Satisfaction Survey. I am going to go through and remove the Doctor's names, so that you get a sense of the experience without having the real names of anyone involved. Me and my damn ethics. The names also do not correspond…
Secrets
(Anger alert) Disclaimer: This blog is less than friendly, be warned. I was thinking in my haphazard way about how I thought adults should communicate honestly, with dignity about their feelings without intentionally hurting the person they fell out of love with. Honesty and emotions don't mix well, you might say. Or, of course emotions can…
Amanuensis Sobriquet-Reverie 