last month sometime

It's funny how sleep deprived I felt while I wrote through the nights last year The new bags under my eyes tell me volumes about my quality of sleep or lack thereof recently For the past two months I have been trying to sleep only to find I sleep in chunks A chunk in the…

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Well, December is Coming

In theory my blog looked idle empty devoid of life my reality was just as busy as ever I have reduced my stressors distanced myself from some of the crazy that follows me Physically I'm stronger my bifocals and anti depressant are too My anxiety in the evenings is pretty constant with crushing chest pain…

Opposites

I'm not so fond of people but I get lonely Yoga feels good but is more satisfying in a class I love singing but never want a solo Making art is what I do though more fulfilling when I teach I have tremendous fears and I still keep moving

This morning

This morning in the garden I wondered about wild mini daisies Why are they everywhere in my yard is it like the great dandelion epidemic of 1978 In the front yard a toddler picks a flower for their mother A dandelion The mom accepts the flower but leaves it on the porch when they go…

Permission to forgive

I read a blog about forgiveness this is not about a person I perceive to have wronged me This is about creating a foundation for my perpetually absent self-esteem Perhaps I need a dowsing rod to find the correct location to dig for it Buried by years of clay and sand this small seed must…

Mother’s Day

Holding Girlie in my arms she sleeps smiling in innocence I don't have memories of being held I remember the soft hand on my forehead checking my fever there was always a fever I was not a frail child Keeping up with older brothers climbing jumping swinging running was natural for the youngest to do…

In my dreams

This morning I woke up with the memory of a dream Someone I don't know thought I was special enough to help carry the tremendous weight of a desk on my head (You know the old school desks that hold your entire fourth grade world the lift up top with the metal reservoir below) For…

Diesel

There is a special place in hell for people who have been impatient rude intolerant insensitive judgemental That place is my bedroom right next door to the diesel tractor that is doing something in the driveway next to my bedroom I really don't care what they're doing as long as it stops soon Maybe they…