Listing

Go to court Sit near my ex without having a panic attack Apply for county wrap around services for Girlie, My Child Occupational therapy visit with Girlie Install top of the stairs safety gate Visit the big city to see a new psychiatrist Survive an hour long car ride with that woman, my mother Talk…

Singing a high C, parts 1 2 +3

In my dream it was a high C reality told me that I was screaming in my sleep My Bear startled awake asking if I was okay, he kissed my shoulder and told me I was not singing I have these clusterpluck dreams I'm searching for something while doing something complicated Like starring as the…

Pink Slipped

Sure, I have my support team who deserts me when I need them I am told to surrender myself to the emergency ward to be detained until they decide what to do with me I am shamed for driving myself in for help why should I travel by ambulance when I have a car? I…

I have problems with anti-psychotic medications

and mood stabilizers too. I just got out of the hospital again. This time the stay was unexpected because I could not control my thoughts. This too shall pass. My diagnosis changed again. This young enthousiastic and perceptive psychiatrist took me off the mood stabilizer and antipsychotic (latuda and lamictal) but added wellbutrin to my…

OHIO

My failure to perfOrm my civic duty was encumbered by my inability to do too many tHings in one day by the tIme my bear made it hOme from work I was exhausted, defeated and feeling run Over. I Had prepared to vote, drove to the polling location whIle neglecting tO bring my ID or…

Vivid Dreams

Everything was so realistic but wrong, the bathroom was in the wrong place the windows on the wrong sides of the cute little house and the furniture was not mine, neither were the plants. My actual former landlady and I had a minor argument about plant ownership. "What a cute pot," she pointed to the…

Running in my dreams

My fears become terrors my worries become reality I lose what is most precious as I search my self conscious for a lost child, lost photographs things I knew I saw when I was awake yesterday. I can't make myself wake but when I do the panic is still there though reality quickly seeps into…

Erector Spinae Spasms

So, I wake up at 5am with muscle spasms. These spasms result in pain exquisite and tangible. Unlike my psuedoseizures, the cause is not all in my head. The fault is in the erector spinae that seem to have become sadistic BDSM participants who do not hear my safe words to stop causing me pain.…

I can’t think straight

I'm off to mail a package, but I wanted to let you know I'm going to miss the post office by five minutes, just so you know. This is my pattern. I'm very tired on these new meds and there appears to be a waiting period where I get to pause for my body to…