Reading

Sometimes when I read a book, my mind starts to wander.
I could blame the author and say, the book does not hold
my attention due to some flaw or other. The reality is
my attention is divided, scattered, completely absent.

I could blame age and the pitter patter of many little feet,
a depletion of brain cell production or my summer cocktail
of anti-depressant, anti-anxiety affecting my brain chemistry.
My reality says now is not the time to avoid my life.

I’m not recuperating from giving birth, falling down the stairs,
I haven’t just broken up with my boyfriend, my ex doesn’t hate me
more than usual, my older kids are typically insane and unbalanced,
my toddler has achieved a benchmark that will change tomorrow.

Today is the day to pick a small task and complete it

Today, my three sons were in court to explain to a judge
how a day’s events occurred from three points of view.
Eldest Surly Reverie was the defendant
My Child was the plaintiff and of course
The Silent Sentinel was the witness.

There will be no sentence if he completes an
Anger Management assessment, goes to therapy “x” number of times
does twenty-five hours of community service and
pays the court costs. As the adult in this altercation,
he shoulders a greater responsibility.

As the mother of this brood, I am appalled.
I was raised to grow up, go to college, have a family
get a career, be proud of their accomplishments,
watch them grow up, go to college, have a family
get a career, be proud of their accomplishments,

It’s not happening that way. The way has changed.
The goals are not the same and they never will be again.
I want them to live, grow up, be happy and survive this life.
It’s almost too much to ask for.
Happiness and life, survival and stability
Whatever that is.